My Amazing Son-in-Law (He is going to be surprised)

So over these past few months, I have been telling myself I need to blog because so much in my life has changed.I have married the love of my life, my Kylee has moved out on her own, and my little girls have started a new year in school and so many other adventures. After this past week, I know what I need to blog, I need to tell you about my oldest daughter and the amazing man she fell in love with and married. My oldest daughter was in college 2 years ago and taking the missionary prep class in institute. I knew she had her eyes on a certain young man and that they had gone out, I heard about the first time he held her hand but the day she came home and told me she was changing her missionary prep class to marriage prep--I knew this was serious:) I adored Karl from the start. We were a house full of girls and so having a young man in the house did take a little getting used to.....the noise level went up quite a bit, and there were no longer left overs at dinner time. After making the little girls cry a few times from his rough housing, they got used to him too and soon Karl became the cool person of the house. Kloe has had Karl wrapped around her little finger from the start and I am pretty sure 2 years later she can just give him her puppy dog eyes and he will do anything for her. I watched my oldest daughter Kiersten go from being so quiet and shy to a giggly, adventurous, young woman. I knew from the start that one day Karl was going to be my son in law and I was happy for that. I had never seen Kiersten so happy and as I watched the two "K's" together, I knew that they were a perfect match. As they were engaged and planning their wedding I became a little worried....I had heard horror stories of planning weddings and I did not want this one to be like "others". It was an absolute joy planning the wedding.Karls mom passed away in a tragic accident when he was a young boy, he talked fondly of her and one evening he brought over a couple of scrap books of her and her life. As I read through those books and admired all she was able to accomplish and teach her children in such a short time, I also knew she was watching out for her son, and she was so proud of the man he had become. During the engagement, Kiersten and Karl set an example to all those around them. Temple Marriage was their goal and they also realized Satan would love to alter their path, so in order to help them achieve their goal, they went to the temple every single week. Since Kiersten could not do anything but baptisms yet, that is what they did and I remember Kiersten saying "I cannot wait until I can go to the temple without getting my hair wet." It was finally time for Kiersten to take out her own edowments.What a great day it was for me as a mom to watch her do this and to watch her and her soon to be husband embrace in the celestial room. We managed to fit in another session together before the day they were sealed together for time and all eternity. Those of you who came to the reception know it was as perfect of a day as it can get.Everything was fun, beautiful, and all who came could feel the love that existed between this couple. I still believe Karls mom was up above pulling a few things making sure this was the perfect day for the perfect couple. Well the happiness did not end on this day, over a year later they are as silly in love as they were the day they were married. Karl has been a sloid man in all of my daughters lives. He has been a solid man in my life who is not afraid to stand up for his beliefs and will voice his opinion, but also a very compassionate, forgiving, wise man. Kiersten and Karls marriage is an example that I hope the younger girls will follow. Their home is full of waterfights, chasing down the stairs, games, laughter, and it is a home full of love and the spirit. I think Kiersten has received more flowers than most women receive in a life time. Karl is Kierstens rock. When all is wrong in the world, he is still her right. These past few months and especially this past week, their love for eachother is obvious. I have been able to witness my married kids hold on to eachother and lean on eachother. I have watched my son in law while in the middle of hurting inside himself, lay his own hurt aside and hold Kiersten in his arms and comfort her in a way that only he can do. As I watched him along with my husband, lay his hands upon Kiersten head and give her a blessing, not the blessing that he wished to give her but the blessing that our Heavenly Father wanted her to have, I was overwhelmed with gratitude. Gratitude for this young man who came not just into my daughters life, but this young man came into all of our lives, for loving us, accepting us and not running away even when we seem crazy. I hope every one of my daughters can marry a "Karl"........

Be Careful who you make fun of as a kid-- one day you just may be one.

A few years ago, I recall a conversation I had with a friend about when our youngest is in school full time if and what we would do if we went back to work.  Since I do not even have a day of college, I mentioned "Lets be lunch ladies".  Her response was "oh no, don't you remember what they were like...mean, bossy, and not very cute".  I remembered.  Well, here I am a few years later and my first school year of being a lunch lady is winding down.  I cannot tell you how many days are left of school, it actually makes me a little teary just thinking about it. 
When I first started my job, I had it in my mind that I already had plenty of friends, I was just there for a little pay check.  As the weeks grew into months, I found these walls I had placed around myself were slowly coming down, and I was surrounded by new friends, not just co-workers. We have many different families, lifestyles, and beliefs but the one thing we have in common is we are women who love our familes and friends with a great amount of passion.  We have shared many tears and heartache with eachother, laughed hysterically together, shared serious illness with family members, death of loved ones, divorce, and my favorite was when one lady received a phone call from her daughter that she was in labor and my friend was going to be a grandma that day for her very first time.
In a home, a kitchen is a center piece.  Many great conversations take place in our own private kitchens as we are preparing and sharing meals and treats for those we love.  The kitchen conversations I have experienced while working have caused me to laugh, to reflect, and to appreciate my life and the blessings I have. The most important lesson of all that I have learned from this experience is we can never have enough friends.  When we open up our hearts to new people, it does not become overcrowded, it expands and gets bigger and bigger, we always have enough room for another friend.

And a little FYI-----when our hairnets are off, we are a HOT group of ladies.....

Who would have thought

Who would have thought..............

I would be thanking my Heavenly Father for my daughter having a "Good Tumor".

I would learn what dignity and grace was from an 18 year old girl, who while in a ton of pain still manages to say "Thankyou".

that scraping a foot of snow off of my car to travel would be such an exciting feeling (that was the day I was able to take Kylee home form the hospital).

that I would ever be able to swallow my pride and realize that yes, I do need help from other people, that I am not superwoman.

that I would be able to sleep in a strange waiting room all by myself and actually feel safe.

that I could walk away leaving my daughters life into anothers hands and feel confident and secure that it would be okay.

there was so many bumps and uneven parts in a road (we learned this on our way home from the hospital.)

that I would be terrified to comb my childs hair, in fear of hurting her.

that I would let people in my house when it is as absolute disaster and actually be thankful for thier visits.

that having my 18 year old sleep in until eleven would be a good and happy thing.

that I would climb into the shower to help my daughter, clothes and all and not even care that I was all wet.

that fresh air would ever feel so good.

that I would be so excited to finally get to turn the lights on in my house and open the blinds (it made Kylee's head hurt for a while to do any of that).

that staples in a head would look like a work of art (I know the mans hands who did this and I know he did every little stitch with love and care)

That waking up in my own bed, knowing my family was safe and healing would be such an exciting thing.

That so many people could care about one family, that is one thing I have always felt but wow, all I can say is now I really know.

A New Day

Today, I wake up this morning as a single woman.  For me, it is a new chapter of a wondeful life I have shared with many people.  Being a single woman sounds to adventurous, but being called a divorced woman sounds depressing so, I will just stick with I am a mom.  A mom who has 4 wonderful daughters and a fantastic son in law.  A mom who has made good choices and bad, has cried and laughed and yelled and cheered with and at my kids.  A mom who has made a decision that will disrupt my childrens lives, that will force us to reconstruct what "our family" is. 
Choosing to get a divorce was the hardest decision I have ever had to make.  It was a very long process.  Many people are shocked, but the people who are the closest to me know this was a very very very long process.  Hours of marriage counseling, counseling one on one, tears with loved ones, tears with my exhusband, and many hours on my knees asking, digging really deep, pleading with my Heavenly Father to please help me make a good choice. Many hours sitting inside the temple, going over and over in my mind the covenants I have made, thinking of "Families are Forever".  Could this really be the right choice???
I am 99% sure it is.  The only 1% left that I am not, is when I find a letter in my 7 years old daughters backpack from school that has a drawing of me and Ammon with a heart in between and she has written "dear dad, I hope you get back to mom, I love you".  That is when the tears start to flow, and I take my little 7 year old in my arms and I tell her me and her dad cannot be married but we will always  love her, and we will just be a different kind of family.  She then hugs me and says "yeah, you guys did fight alot" and then she goes off to find her 11 year old sister to torture.
The choice is heavy that I carry and the consequences are real and big, but I pray for understanding, for compassion, and for forgiveness to the people I have disapointed, the people I have hurt, the people who did not know and are shocked.  We never know what goes on in others homes when the doors are closed and blinds are drawn,  we just hope all is well, and when it is not, we show up with freshly baked cookies and a smile on our face, and a look, that look that you know when someone really cares.

Just a thought

     I am really not quite sure how to blog but I want to learn how.  There are so many things that I would love to share, so many thoughts and so many feelings.  I figured since we are faced with a new adventure (that is what I have always called the unknown to make it sound more exciting) I need to learn how to do this so I can share with you. As I was sitting here tonight contemplating Kylees Doctor appointment tomorrow, I was thinking about a parents pain that we feel for our children.  The deep, almost underscibable feeling we have when we are witnessing one of our children hurting.  My thoughts turned to my Father in Heaven and how he sent his only Begotten Son, down to this earth to experience a pain that none of us can even comprehend, how he must have cried, his heart must have ached for our brother, his son, Jesus Christ. After thinking this, my load no longer seemed so heavy to carry for I know that I do not carry this alone.  I know that my Heavenly Father will help me through this, that my Savior attoned not only for my mistakes, but he felt the heartache I am feeling right now.  Many people have asked me how did I get through them not being able to wake Klyee up from her Kidney stone surgery and being transported to the hospital, how did I get through it alone because I did not have a family member or friend there with me.  Not one time did I feel alone, scared yes, but not alone.  It is an amazing experience to look back on, to know that my Heavenly Father was really there with me, one of his daughters who he loves, who his hearteaches for my pain just like my heart aches for my daughters pain. A Parents love, an undescribable feeling.